I've always been self-conscious; even from a young age. I feel like a spotlight is being held above my head when I walk outdoors, and that everyone around me is constantly staring at me, and saying unpleasant things about me. I can't stand it. I feel like an alien. I prefer to go out when the Sun is down, as I feel no-one will notice me.
At home, I'm constantly studying myself in the mirror, and closing in on the imperfections I believe I have. People have told me in the past that I'm not a bad looking guy, and I shouldn't be concerned about my appearance, but it makes no difference to me. I believe I'm a hideous looking beast, and a circus freak. It sounds a bit over-exaggerated, but that's exactly how I feel.
In the past when I did go out, I'd occasionally get propositioned by a girl to go out sometime for a drink, and they'd throw all kinds of compliments at me, but I always thought they were patronizing me, and that truly they just wanted to heighten my spirits. Unaware to them, though, their compliments ended up having the opposite effect, and I believed that they were just feeling sorry for me.
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