I Went Out Today!

Yes, it's true. It was dark, and the weather was dreadful, so I decided to take the dog for a walk with my mum, because she would've been alone otherwise. I hated every second of it, but at least it's a start.

There wasn't too many people around which was good, and even if there was, I was unnoticeable due to the darkness around where I live. There isn't much lighting, and the earth dips about 8ft on the fields. If it was daylight time, I wouldn't have been able to mentally do it.

I will start doing this when my step-father works late, and is unable to walk with her. It not only prevents me from worrying about something happening to her while she's out, but it's also helping me. She wants me to start coming out in the day too, but I can't see that happening for quite some time.

For anyone who is wondering what happened with regard to the social services being called, well, she didn't call them. The following morning there was another slight argument, and all was sorted... for the time being. However, I'm certain there will be another time, probably soon, when something similar happens. So, don't expect that to be the last outburst from me, haha.

On another note, I was contacted recently by a fellow blogger. He gave me some ideas of who to go see, and what course of action would be best for me to get sorted. His wife has the same condition as me. He's a really inspiring character, and a talented blogger. Take a look at his blog here.

Fuck This

Well, tonight I've been threatened with social services again. Apparently, my mother doesn't want me here anymore, and is phoning them tomorrow. It's not my fucking fault the way I am. I didn't ask to be given birth to for fuck's sake. I'm fuming right now.

It all started earlier on with my mother questioning what I was doing online, like she does everyday. Telling me I need to get off there, and that it's the Internet that's caused me to become this way. If anything, the Internet's helped me a great deal by allowing me to connect with people like me from around the world. But, I guess some people are far too small-minded to grasp that. They think the Internet is just full of lies and deceit.

I'm starting to question myself as to whether hanging on is worth it. I'm so fucking annoyed with everything right now, and just want it all to end. In a way I hope she does call them. They may be more understanding than my own damn mother. I'm afraid to even be writing this as she's looked at my blog before, and constantly goes through my bookmarks to see what sites I've been visiting. It's like living in a damn prison.

Online Falseness

Call me cynical, but I believe over 80% of the people online are not being themselves, and have resorted to the Internet to become that cool guy that they've always wanted to be.

Whether it's a message board I'm visiting, or a social networking site, it just seems to be predominately populated by people that aren't being themselves. People will post things that are obviously not well thought out, and it shows. You can tell they're only posting it so the readers of that post will think higher of him/her.

One of my friends who I met online has always had his unique form of writing. It's informal to say the least, but that's what I like about him. He's a guy that likes to be unique, or at least I thought he did. I recently spotted him on a message board that is filled with people who subjectively believe they're intelligent. (I know this as I was a former member myself.) They don't admit it, but it shows. Most of them have egos the size of Jupiter. Whether those egos are warranted is unknown, but I highly doubt it in most cases. Anyway, he registered at this forum. It wasn't long before his unique style of writing went out the window, and he became sort of a grammar nazi. I'm disappointed to say the least. It always shocks me to see how people change around different people, and how they'll alter themselves just for the sake of fitting in.

The Dreaded Copy & Paste

Earlier, we were booking flights for my step-father to go back to Italy, to attend his sister's funeral. We booked the flight through Ryanair, but before we accomplished that, we had a little trouble getting to the checkout stage. My mother was having trouble with it, so I offered to lend a hand. As we were filling in the details, we had to reconfirm many of the items such as the email address, and the rest. So, I simply copied and pasted them as I knew they were correct, instead of typing everything twice. Anyway, shortly after, the site froze, and stopped responding. My mum immediately shouted, "See what you've done now! You've messed it up by doing that!". I laughed for about an hour straight. Anyway, all is booked now, and he's heading out on Sunday.

It is a Sad Day Today

We received a phone call at eight o'clock this morning from Italy. We missed the call, but soon called them straight back as my step-father's sister has had cancer for some time; as you can imagine, we feared the worst. We were right to worry, after phoning the number back, my step-father's sister's husband, Alessandro, answered the phone and gave us the bad news. She passed away at five o'clock this morning.

She was a nice woman, and very selfless. I remember once visiting her home, and as soon as I set foot through the door, I was offered beverages and food, and was even offered to join them for a meal later in the day. Even though me and my step-father generally don't get on, I felt for him today, and I too felt upset. Rest in peace, Antonella. You will be sorely missed.

Social Networking Sites

There seems to be more and more social networking sites popping up as of late.

I had a MySpace account not so long ago, and I deleted it. I recall feeling the need to login into my account each and every day. I had a few "friends" on the site who I chatted with on a regular basis, but eventually we slowly started to lose contact and go our separate ways. MySpace, in my opinion, is a cesspit containing everything that's bad in the world today - narcissism, vulgarity, falseness. I met countless people there who would display a picture of someone else (usually someone very attractive), and claim it was them. I suppose it's because of the media, amongst other things. People think they need to look a certain way, or of a certain "standard" to be accepted, which, in part, can be indeed true.

I have a Facebook account now. I only use it to stay in contact with people I know in the real world. Sometimes the site can get me down, because I see all of my other friends interacting with people they know, and saying things like "We had a great night last night." and it really opens my eyes to how much my life fails in comparison. I don't want to delete my account because they'll all be thinking I deleted them, and I do not want that to happen.

I recall when I got my first internet connection setup. Once functioning, the first sites I wanted to join and get involved in were of the social networking variety. From my experiences now, I realize just how foolish I was.

My Life in Italy

A few years ago I moved to Rome, Italy, with my mother and step-father. We decided to move because my step-father wanted to be in closer contact with his family, and my mother had always loved Italy.

I enjoyed my time there, and it was a sad day we moved back. I had many more friends, and I used to go out daily with them to the beach, amongst other places. It was a totally different lifestyle to what I lead now.

I lived outside the centre of Rome, a place called Guidonia. It was a small little town set out in Rome's countryside. The people were pleasant, and there were many bars and shops; so you never had to go very far. I used to get my breakfast from a local bar just around the corner from the apartment we were renting. A usual breakfast consisted of a cappuccino, and a small pastry cake.

I worked in the centre of Rome, in the Hotel Fiume. It was a three star hotel at the time (now it's four). I worked at the bar with my step-father, and usually we'd end up watching television, because most of the clients were put off by the prices of the drinks, when they could go to a bar within a few minutes walk away and get the same drinks for a much cheaper price. It was an extremely easy job. The only difficult thing was getting there, which was a two hour drive away everyday and night. It was an extremely stressful journey in the daytime, as Rome's traffic is tremendously bad. We were lucky to get there without attaining a new dent in the van each day.

We moved back because of financial difficulties. My mother disliked her job, and had no means of obtaining another. We were lucky to get the jobs we got. The only reason we got them was because my step-father had worked for the firm (B&H Hotels) prior to moving in with my mother. We had lived there for over a year before returning to the UK, and it was an experience in my life which I shall never forget.